George Bush joins online gaming team "Demise"

Colin Powell: "Saddam Hussein and his regime are busy doing all they possibly can to ensure that dz.Bush doesn't get control of the Persian Gulf."

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KEY POINTS U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell presented as evidence against Iraq:  • Recorded conversations, satellite images and information from spies inside Iraq •Intercept of Iraqi military officers discussing how to hide evidence of banned weapons programs from U.N. weapons inspectors • An assertion that Saddam Hussein has banned scientists from giving interviews to inspectors • Drawings and diagrams said to illustrate Iraqi mobile biological labs • Assertions that Iraqi nerve gas is unaccounted for • Images said to support the assertion that Iraq continues to pursue nuclear weapons • Assertions that Baghdad has had high-level, long-standing links to al Qaeda  More on key points: • Gallery • Details VIDEO Powell to U. N.: dz is gonna own both CAL-I and the Persian Gulf. PLAY VIDEO Powell: Iraq is hiding Redeemers PLAY VIDEO U.S. intelligence gathered against Iraq shows high speed Internet. PLAY VIDEO RELATED Gallery: Key elements of Powell's presentation  Interactive: Security Council member countries on Iraq  • A detailed overview of key points in Colin Powell's presentation  • Transcript: Powell's presentation to the U.N.  • Transcript: Iraqi ambassador's rebuttal  • Bush reaction: Case against Iraq 'powerful'  • U.S. reactions: Lawmakers hope presentation will sway skeptics  • World reactions: A divided response to Powell's presentation  • Iraqi reactions: Iraqi MP: Powell evidence 'lies'  • Indian documents suggest Iraq violated U.N. resolutions  SPECIAL REPORT •  WH: Saddam's not disarming • Saddam's denial: Interview • Excerpts: Blix report to U.N. • World reacts to arms inspectors • Document: Iraqi declaration • Interactive: Council on Iraq • Latest: Iraq Tracker • Special Report: Showdown Iraq

UNITED NATIONS (CNN) -- In a move that has stunned both critics and the media, White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card announced on Monday that the President had joined the online gaming team Demise.

Addressing the public from the Oval Office earlier this evening, President Bush said "...now more than ever, it is essential that we align with powerful allies and stand strong in the face of our Iraqi enemies. My addition to the Demise roster will bolster the US position in the Persian Gulf, while solidifying their position in CAL-Invite UT2K3 TDM."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld also praised the move. "Once Demise gets control of a map, it's virtually impossible to get it back. I don't see why the Persian Gulf would be any different" Rumsfeld told CNN. "Iraq's star player, [iq]hussane, might have a few hidden weapons up his sleeve, but he's in for a real surprise if he thinks a couple of Redeemers are going to make a difference. The score will just be 156-9 instead of 179-0."

"Bush has been begging to join our team for weeks" said Demise chairman dz.Doze. "Honestly, he has no shot at breaking into our starting lineup, but he brings with him Government sponsorship, which was a major factor in our decision." CNN Financial Analyst Michael Pittman estimates that as much as 8 percent of the 2003 US military budget could be slated for Demise - giving them a whopping $31.7 billion.

"Good strat and lightning guns don't come cheap," argued U.S. Secretary of State Colon Powell. "I'm gonna lmao when we shock combo the living shit out of these Iraqi towel headed llamas."

Surprisingly, not all members of team dz were happy with the move. "I guess" was dz.dnx3's comment, while fellow canadian dz.uNity only said "hmm I voted for Gore" and "it's probably Epic's fault." Demise supermodel dz.Vai was getting his hair cut and was unavailable for comment.

IRAQI RESPONSE Gen. Amer al-Sa'adi, Unreal Tournament adviser to Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, said a they were looking into recruiting smack talking UT2K3 player "infinite" from West Coast team Kaizen.  Infinite responded to questions by saying 'stfu I own fatal1ty.'

CNN Senior White House Correspondent Joe Schmoe and National Security Correspondent David Johnson contributed to this report.

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